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Navigating change skillfully with mindfulness

Thu, 08 Sep 2022 17:32:55 GMT

Welcome to

my latest blog. I hope you will find it useful and helpful.

Navigating change skillfully with mindfulness

Change—whether big or small—is an integral part of life. As Heraclitus , a Greek philosopher, said "change is the only constant in life." And with the start of this September - school has begun again, the weather has gone from extreme heat to heavy downpours, the UK government is changing, and so on… However, just because change is so banal, it does not make it easy for us, especially when faced with an unexpected or unwelcome change.

I had a new start this week and I've been noticing how uncomfortable I felt and even a bit anxious I felt when I moved away from what was familiar to me. I moved classrooms, took up a new role, met new pupils,and the list continues… All these recent changes, small or big, had ‘rocked’ my sense of stability and to a certain extent made me doubt my confidence and my ability.

But these changes were expected. So when changes take you by surprise, it can be even more challenging to navigate them, and they are also usually accompanied by a flood of mixed emotions, often negative ones that, in turn, can lower our mood.

It is human nature to resist change: our minds like the ‘familiar’ as they are wired to offer us solutions from the point of view of what they already know, what they've had experience of, what they're familiar with. The default reaction to this can be fear, doubt, and other unhelpful emotions.

Luckily, we can respond to change, rather than being reactive to it (some may react by feeling paralysed by it or actively trying to resist it).

Mindfulness is the key to helping you navigate and manage change skillfully in a more positive and productive way.

How does mindfulness help you manage change and even flourish under it?

Remember this quote from Heraclitus who said "change is the only constant in life ." Let’s take a moment to ponder over this…. We can see that we can’t stop change…. but with mindfulness, we can learn to manage uncertainty, we can learn to respond to uncertainty with acceptance and become more aware of what is actually taking place - our emotions and reactions included. This type of acknowledgement and acceptance allows us to adapt more quickly to shifting conditions.

Of course, we recognise that often stress can be associated with change because it stems from being worried about the future. In short, we all want things to remain as they are because they are familiar and therefore we feel in control and secure. When there is uncertainty, your mind may jump into this “what if?” mode and will run numerous scenarios which may tend to be based on ‘fearing the worst’ scenarios. So this state of mind can make it more difficult for us to deal with the present moment.

With mindfulness training, we can learn to see these changing conditions with new eyes; we can be adaptive, creative, and solution-focused even in the most challenging times.

Here is how…

1. Resist resisting to change and instead accept that change will happen

Often, when faced with change, our first instinct is to want to fight or resist. Change is inevitable and will happen no matter how much you don’t want it to, therefore fighting it will only make it harder for you. Instead, allow yourself to sit mindfully with the uncertainty, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Make this deliberate decision to willingly accept change. This doesn't mean that you have to love the change in the moment, it just means that by practising acceptance, it will minimise any initial resistance and help you in feeling more adaptable to future changes: if you can accept the way things are, you will open yourself up to the possibility of opportunity and growth.

2. Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings

Any change, big or small, positive or negative can feel challenging and will in most cases trigger some thoughts and feelings! The mind will want to create a response because our brains are wired to offer us solutions, from the point of view of what they already know, what they've had experience of or what they're familiar with. Instead of following these automatic responses that your mind may have, recognise and acknowledge these thoughts and feelings. In the MBCT courses that I teach, we learn to recognise that thoughts are not facts! We train to become observers of our thoughts, creating a ‘holding / breathing space’ for our emotions that allow us to cultivate qualities such as acceptance, compassion and ease that we need to navigate the whirlpools of change.

Being mindful of your thoughts and emotions during change can help you retake control of the driving seat and shift the way you respond to change. This is one of the key principles of my MBCT-L course.

3. Manage your expectations and take your time

It’s natural to want to adapt to change quickly and I will put my hand up here, I totally fall into this category! I used to engage my gears into full speed ahead! But adjusting takes TIME. Since practising mindfulness, I have learnt to really take the time or in other words, pause for a moment to allow ‘things to land’. This has helped me noticing that I was expecting too much from myself, too soon, and I had the tendency to compare myself to others, etc... I have learnt that it’s okay to take things slowly. As Mark Williams famously says in some of his mindfulness practices: ‘no action needed’ …for now. The important thing is to pace yourself.

4. Flex your equanimity muscle (a firm favourite of mine these days, I have to say!)

Equanimity is ‘faring evenly amidst the uneven’ or more simply, it is the mind’s ability to be okay with whatever is happening - good, bad or ugly. I quite like and often use this nautical metaphor: in the middle of a stormy sea, a cruise ship will be using its stabilisers so that its passengers remain calm and unaffected by the outside conditions. It is the same process with the mind - by practising equanimity or by regularly pausing before you respond, through observing your breath, tuning into your body, you are cultivating this capacity to be present but also with that sense that no matter what comes your way, you will be okay.

5. Savour the 'pleasant'

When life is changing, it is even more important to remind ourselves to tap into the ‘pleasant’ in our life and to fully enjoy the things that bring us joy. Savouring these moments rewires our brain for happiness and builds resilience. I covered this in my last two blogs and in my MBCT courses, I have great little practices to support this approach in our everyday life.

To conclude, It is in our nature to fear change as we were born ‘hardwired’ to resist it by the part of the brain called the amygdala which interprets change as a threat and releases the hormones for fear, fight, or flight. But by practising mindfulness regularly, you can be more in control of navigating the ups and downs of change with an open heart and positive mindset.

Sophie

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Summer: A Time to Be - part II

Mon, 08 Aug 2022 08:21:05 GMT

Hello there... and welcome to

YOUR MONTHLY DOSE OF MINDFULNESS

Summer: A Time to Be - part II

Continuing with our summer theme of ‘A time to BE’, I would like to invite you to explore the ‘things’ that are helping you in keeping you ‘whole’, nourishing you, making you smile, with the intention of creating your own little Mindfulness Well-Being Toolkit (MWBT)…

We all need supportive tools and practices in our lives to keep us grounded and balanced. Last month, I invited you to slow down (or rush less!), be more present (by simply and non-judgmentally focusing the attention on what you were doing) and noticing and appreciating the world / nature around you.

We are going to explore further and I hope that by the end of this blog, you will have created your own little Mindfulness Well-Being Toolkit that will support you when you head back to work or return from holiday.

Firstly, what is a Mindfulness Well-Being Toolkit (MWBT)?

It is a set of habits, mindfulness practices and tools that support you in feeling good, making you smile or even adding a little spring to your step. It isn’t necessarily ‘something physical’ per se - it can simply be a list that you refer to regularly to keep you going forward. When you have this list readily available, you can take a quick look and respond to whichever habit or action sounds supportive when you need it.

What’s in my MWBT?

Here are some of the tools in my current toolkit - I say current because it is always changing and evolving.

I start my morning routine with a mindful moment - in other words, I am deliberately practising being present in the midst of an activity. It can be brushing my teeth or having a shower, making the bed… while staying connected with the sensations of the body.

I practise being mindful whilst moving - walking, practical tasks, sport or creative pastimes.

By being mindful whilst doing these activities can really enhance these experiences and even support a sense of flow and ease with what we are doing.

I love doing (especially when I am on holiday) what Mark Williams calls in his book ‘Finding Peace in a Frantic World a ‘Habit Releaser’.

All you have to do is make a deliberate choice to break out of one (or more) of your usual routines. So, at the moment, I am back in France, staying at my parents’ and every morning, my mother and I walk to the town centre as my mother who will be 80 next year wants to do her daily 10 000 steps. However, I had noticed that she always takes the same route along the same streets. So I challenged her to find different routes to her same destination while walking mindfully, noticing the sounds, buildings around us and physical sensations with each step we take. We are both thoroughly enjoying this experience! Not only does this bring more awareness to our experience of life, but it is also bringing us great pleasure and joy!

I have a little afternoon siesta!

A total holiday treat in this heat but also such a good way to practise this ‘time to be’.

I have social media detoxes.

I stay off social media for a day during my summer holiday, unplugging from everything - phone off. I won’t lie: the first time I did it, it was a bit daunting and the temptation to give in was strong! But it was really interesting to notice that I was far more able to give my full attention to the people around me and it gave me the opportunity to reconnect with the ‘old me’ when we simply didn’t have all this new technology.

I listen to music

Doesn't music heal everything? .... I think so! I love creating various lists and they can be link to a trip, an event etc... e

Now, would you like to create your own MWBT?

It is quite easy:

Brainstorm the habits, activities, tools, and products that give you a sense of well-being, a sense of fulfilment.

I would suggest that you use things that you already know well for you rather than creating a ‘wish list’ of new things. For instance, if you have never done a 30 minute mindfulness body scan, I would leave it out for now.

Instead, try to think of your current daily routine and note the pleasant activities / moments.

2. Keep a visual reminder somewhere.

You may wish to make a physical list of the things that feel supportive or nourishing to you. Having this list readily available allows you to take a quick look and respond to whichever habit or action sounds supportive. It’s one thing fewer that your brain has to think about.

3. Keep it safe and use it!

When the going gets tough, turn to your MWBT and see what sounds good to you in that moment and remember to be kind to yourself.

Your MWBT will inevitably change over time, so be sure to update your list with new discoveries or new delights and remove the ones that aren’t working for you anymore.

Wishing you a mindful and restful August and I hope this inspires you to put together your own Mindfulness Well-being Toolkit for those days when you need extra support.

Sophie

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Summer: A Time to Be!

Sun, 03 Jul 2022 09:29:16 GMT

Summer offers the perfect invitation to notice more opportunities to slow down, be present, and appreciate the world around us.

Summer: A Time to Be!

Summer is here: the sun is shining, the days are long, warm and for many, summer represents a time for outdoor activities, family holiday, dinners ‘al fresco’ with friends, filling us with a feeling of fun, lightness and relaxation .

For me, it invokes childhood memories of spending time with my beloved grandmother, exploring museums with her, followed by the ritual family holiday in the south of France where I would spend my days swimming, sailing and without a care in the world. Just as Françoise Sagan would describe it in her novel ‘Bonjour Tristesse’: ‘ From dawn onward I was in the water. It was cool and transparent, and I plunged wildly about in my efforts to wash away the shadows and dust of Paris. I lay stretched out on the sand, took up a handful and let it run through my fingers in soft, yellow streams. I told myself that it ran out like time. It was an idle thought, and it was pleasant to have idle thoughts, for it was summer.’

While the summers of my childhood were always full of fun, relaxation and appeared to be never ending, as I grew older, I sadly have noticed that the summers of my adulthood have become more stressful, remaining constantly busy with ‘must do’ lists and an overall sense of not really switching off this ‘work’ button…

I don’t think I am alone in this either… Everywhere I look, I see plenty of my family members and friends juggling with increasingly busy work and home life schedules, which threaten their summer’s promised relaxation and well earned rest. Moreover, for the last two years, we have been through a global pandemic and have faced unprecedented levels of social upheaval, environmental destruction, and political discord. This is called ‘VUCA’ ( short for Volatility. Uncertainty. Complexity. Ambiguity) and it has been researched by Neuroscientist Amishi Jha in her lab at the University of Miami.

So, what could we try do to have this wonderful, blissful and relaxing summer that we have been yearning for so long?

Here are my three tips and one recommendation.

1. Slow down

The first step toward slowing down and becoming more mindful is noticing that you are rushing! So next time you need to complete a task, double the time you think it will take to complete it.

What you can also do is to gently and deliberately invite yourself to physically move more slowly. Whatever you are “doing,” slow it down by at least 25% - reading, walking etc… Then observe yourself in this moment with mindful awareness by paying more attention to the movements of the body, the muscles, the breath… By physically slowing yourself down, you are also allowing your thoughts and emotions to slow down as well, thus stimulating your parasympathetic nervous system which activates a mental and physical experience of calm and relaxation.

2. Be present

If you are not very familiar with mindfulness, then at this stage, you could simply be focusing on your senses - right now, what can you see, hear, smell, touch and taste.

The method for being present is fairly simple and here’s how to do it: whatever you’re doing, right now, learn to focus completely on doing that one thing. Focusing the attention on every aspect of what you’re doing. What are the sensations in the body from the top of the head all the way down to the toes. Then maybe noticing any thoughts, emotions and any impulses… Simply registering without judgement all these elements of your experience in this moment.

3. Appreciate the world around you

As it is summer, spend time outdoors and notice the beauty of the natural world around you! Whether you are walking on a peaceful, golden beach or wandering through the woods, take it all in! Slow down the walk and focus on the details of the world around you, the colour of the trees, the smell of the grass, the sound of the waves…

These to me, are my little tips for appreciating the joys of this summer and I would invite you to join me this summer in taking time to “just be.”

Of course, my final recommendation would also be: to practise mindfulness!

If you would like to know more about it, come and have a little peruse on my website.

Wishing you a restful and restorative summer,

Sophie

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Mindfulness is not what you think it is!

Sat, 18 Jun 2022 06:02:05 GMT

The Most Common Misconceptions of Mindfulness

Over the last few years, we have seen an exponential growth of information about it: new apps, websites, podcasts, blogs etc… However, some of this information has also led to misconceptions about Mindfulness and what it means to practise it. They can often deter some people from joining a Mindfulness course, or can act as obstacles to their practice, sometimes even causing them to stop practising altogether.

Here are some of the most common misconceptions about Mindfulness ...

1. Mindfulness is about emptying the mind or trying not to think

NOT AT ALL! Mindfulness is not about getting rid of thoughts but rather it is a way of interrogating, investigating our own thinking processes and actually becoming free of the ones that are blinding, imprisoning, limiting etc….

2. Mindfulness is to help you to relax

This is another common misconception: when we practise mindfulness, we should become relaxed. While a sense of feeling relaxed may occur during some mindfulness practices, it isn’t the intended purpose as mindfulness is about being fully aware of our experiences and the whole range of human emotions that come with it. By observing our experiences and allowing them to be just as they are, we can cultivate a sense of contentment, equanimity and gain freedom from habitual thought patterns.

Of course, there are great benefits that arise from mindfulness practice, such as feeling more relaxed, but it works precisely because we don’t try to attain benefit. Instead, we befriend ourselves as we are. We learn how to drop in on ourselves, visit, and 'hang out' in our awareness.

3. Mindfulness can only be cultivated through meditation

Another common misconception of mindfulness is that it is about meditation and nothing else. Of course, practising mindfulness in a ‘formal way’ (called ‘formal practices’ when you do a mindfulness course) is important, but we can also practise it informally, by simply bringing mindfulness into our daily activities - to name but a few: walking, eating, hearing, etc… In essence, when we cultivate an attitude of being fully present with whatever we are doing, we are practising mindfulness!

4. Mindfulness Is a quick fix

When you take on a new membership to the gym or a new fitness class, you don’t expect immediate results… Same principle goes with mindfulness: it takes time, commitment and regular practice. Mindfulness is a long-term approach to help us to cope with worry, stress, and anxiety and stressors, and they will always be there, one way or another, big or small.

5. Mindfulness is a religion

Mindfulness is NOT a religion and can be practised almost anywhere by almost anyone. Of course meditation and mindfulness have been practised for thousands of years as part of some religions, such as Buddhism and Hinduism and reversely many religions include aspects of mindfulness, such as patience, non-judging, compassion, and generosity. These are attitudinal qualities, as opposed to being religious.

To conclude, the secular mindfulness-based programmes which we teach at MindfullyMe , are rooted in scientific evidence and support mental health and well-being. They are designed to support people to take a wider perspective from which they can respond with greater wisdom, compassion and discernment.

By regularly practising mindfulness, we learn to cool the fires of reactivity and build resilience!

Find out more about our mindfulness courses .

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